The truth seeker, The Mechanics of Virtue, aphorism 284

284

The truth seeker must know that he craves a substitute for the obvious first rank.  If not, his denial is a twisted and frustrating climb toward a second rank that he can only sell as “first rank.”  

He claims his target is truth, but his hidden aim is upon this substitute rank.  He has closed the wrong eye and has aimed askew, for his target is truth ... but so that he might reverse the prevailing ranks, which is to say that he has two targets but only acknowledges one.  Reversing rank by positing and proving the higher standard is how and why he seeks to become the “most honest.”

And he must resist even consoling himself with the knowledge that the obvious alpha is an idiot, for then he too indulges in a crude dominance display at the expense of the more refined. (Display ... vanity may be unavoidable but it is capable of refinement.)  He does not want to rob himself of the motivation for climbing higher ... and the stimulus to climb higher is precisely his not being recognized as having climbed higher.  How many times had rejection shoved him back on his spiritual path!? 

The “real” highest standard is but one step below the obvious dominance standard.  In another age he would have made a self-flattering distinction here between the real and the apparent.  But this is the “real” value only because it understands the illusion of value, and the value of the “enlightened” state is only another way of saying that disillusionment is more valuable than continuing as a dupe.

Thus, our machinery projects value onto the world.  On the one hand, there are the duped whose obvious ranks and values are only illusions; while on the other, there are the “enlightened” ... the disillusioned ... the humiliated who have seen through this sham.  Thus, the enlightened holds a higher calculated value of “not being a dupe,” and yet all the while he cannot avoid his own physiological consequence!  He continues to foist value onto the world according to the obvious standard.   

His spiritual equation ... the “highest standard” is only calculated, and the calculation does not support the experience unless the calculation successfully manifests itself into the real world.  That is, unless a self-righteous display takes place, hopefully in the name of reason and supported by reason. 

But he must remain honest, precisely here: he finds value in the insubordinate position alone, and neither works for obvious dominance nor removes himself from the state of insubordination.  Although he certainly craves dominance, he despises it at the same time.  He does not deny the conditions underlying his motives for seeking truth – otherwise he would neglect to clean his lens of ingratitude and resentment: he would fail to overcome ingratitude and resentment because they were not yet impossible.  This last point is the conclusion to a happy line of reasoning: 

The conditions for truth – insubordination – are only perfect if one recognizes them as such.

For a Truth Seeker, the acknowledgment of perfect conditions can only result in gratitude.

And there is no such thing as resentment for conditions which constitute one's gratitude.